Dear friend

"I wish I could report that it's getting better, but unfortunately it isn't. It's hard, too, because we've started school again, and I can't go to the places where I used to go. And it can't be like it was. And I wasn't ready to say good-bye just yet.

To tell you the truth, I've just been avoiding everything.

I walk around the school hallways and look at the people. I look at the teachers and wonder why they're here. If they like their jobs. Or us. And I wonder how smart they were when they were fifteen. Not in a mean way. In a curious way. It's like looking at all the students and wondering who's had their heart broken that day, and how they are able to cope with having three quizzes and a book report on top of that. Or wondering who did the heart breaking. And wondering why. Especially since I know that if they went to another school, the person who had their heart broken by somebody else, so why does it have to be so personal? And if I went to another school, I would never have known Sam or Patrick or Mary Elizabeth or anyone except my family." (pp. 142)



"I didnt feel like reading that night, so I went downstairs and watched a half-hour-long commercial that advertised an exercise machine. They kept flashing a 1-800 number, so I called it. The woman who picked up the other end of the phone was named Michelle. And I told Michelle that I was a kid and did not need an exercise machine, but I hoped she was having a good night.

That's when Michelle hung up on me. And I didn't mind a bit." (pp. 122)

Love always,
Charlie



-The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky-

I feel blood pounding in my temples

"I had to run for the bus. It was probably all this dashing about and then the jolting and the smell of petrol and the glare of the sky reflecting off the road that made me doze off. I slept almost all the way. And when I woke up, I found myself cramped up against a soldier who smiled at me and asked me if I'd come far. I said, 'Yes' so as not to have to talk any more." (pp. 10)

"He told me first of all that people described me as being taciturn and withdrawn and he wanted to know what I thought of that. I answered, 'It's just that I never have much to say. So I keep quiet.'" (pp. 66)

-Excerpts from The Outsider by Albert Camus -

Antic Disposition

Enough damage is done. Its back to square one. I can't take this, I'm done.

=)

Grandpa =)

Reality Check, 1 2 3

For the past couple of days, I'm back to my old habits. Inevitable late nights.
Well, not really inevitable but I seem to make it seem that way. Most of the time, I spend my time stoning in front of the laptop screen. I don't even know what I'm doing. That's not all. Actually, there is a lot of work to be done that I've come to a point where I'm about to explode. You can ask me about my weekend or if you have already spoken to me online during the weekends, you'll very well know that I've been fussin' and complaining about the reports and assignments I need to rush seeing the due dates are coming really ...and I mean REALLY SOON!

Minutes ago, I was pretty much thinking about how I'll look like tomorrow morning... so I proceeded to ask my 'next-door-neighbour' in the living room.

Kat : Hey, do I look like shit...?
Ken: Yeah. You always look that way... ever since the day you were born...
Kat : *mumbles under breath*
Ken: *Laughs*

Today I learned that...

1. I've been staying at home for the past 48 hrs... spent 3/4 of the time in my room.
2. Monash, you should really GIVE ME A BREAK!

Expect me to look like a zombie tomorrow morning.

In the back of my head there's sweet misery

Everytime when something about durian(s) comes up in a conversation or when it is in sight, somehow it reminds me of grandpa... and that small tetris phone look-a-like gaming console. And all of a sudden, one of the most memorable conversation I had with Uncle Al few years back comes into mind. "Cruising with my peers" he says with his attempt to be the cool uncle and blend in with the younger ones. Those familiar faces again... I do still remember...

Humanthesizer

It's week 5 and that means '5 down, 7 more to go!'. I've never felt so much pressure put on me as compared to the past few semesters. Time is running short. However, in other news, everything has been going okay with just a few 'glitches' here and there. And thank you friend, I'm really trying hard not to give in to pressure. To whom it may concern, forgive me. Funny how pressure becomes stress. I just don't like to be pushed unless it's for my own good.


Today I learned...

1. that a humanthesizer exists! A humanthesizer is a combination of human + synthesizer. Who knew conductive paint can do such wonder. Calvin Harris, I'm just awed!
   
   
2. that a brand new Tiesto feat TnS song entitled 'Feel It In My Bones' just released three days ago. Not a big fan but it's not too bad...
   
   
3. that the Archie series love triangle has come to an end, finally! However, Archie chose to propose to Veronica instead of Betty which I think was totally uncalled for. Poor Betty Cooper...
   
   
4. that I've been going to the university without fail on Fridays just for talks.
   
   
5. that shit happens... (well, it's not something new but I'm constantly reminded of it on a daily basis)